Download The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life by Harriet Lerner PDF

By Harriet Lerner

From the prestigious writer of The Dance of Anger comes a unprecedented publication approximately mothering and the way it transforms us -- and all our relations -- inside and outside. Written from her twin standpoint as a psychologist and a mom, Lerner brings us deeply own stories that run the gamut from the hilarious to the heart-wrenching. From delivery or adoption to the empty nest, the mum Dance teaches the fundamental classes of motherhood: that we're not in command of what occurs to our kids, that almost all of what we fear approximately does not ensue, and that our youngsters will love us with all our imperfections if we will be able to do an analogous for them. here's a gloriously witty and relocating publication approximately what it capability to bop the mummy dance.

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Sample text

This leads to even greater feelings of incompetence, which leads to more distancing. Although some parents are true “naturals,” most parents become competent only through repeated trial and error. I happen to have a great deal of personal experience with incompetence and the ways in which it gets entrenched, so I have empathy for fathers who feel terrified of the practical details of parenting. My experience (or lack of experience) with driving provides a reasonable analogy to some men’s experience with their babies.

His emotional stance reminded me of my father, who has always been dramatically cut off from his feelings, so I would try to force Steve to worry along with me, or at Bringing the Baby Home / 33 least to convince him that he should worry, to reassure myself that I had not married my father. The psychologist who tested Matthew at nine months (at my initiation) said that he was, in fact, quite slow in certain areas but that it was too early to know what this meant. She suggested that we wait awhile and then consult with a pediatric neurologist if we were still concerned.

He predicted that Matthew would be fine, although lower in perceptualmotor skills than in verbal ability. ) Matthew did walk on schedule, without having first crawled, scooted, or moved about in any way. And so ended the repetitive fights between Steve and me. When Two Become Three Fighting with Steve about our son accomplished a couple of good things. First, it helped both of us to worry a little less, because Bringing the Baby Home / 37 it’s hard to fight and worry at the same time. Fighting also deflected our attention from other concerns and challenges we faced as new parents.

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