Download Dead Famous by Ben Elton PDF

By Ben Elton

One condo, ten contestants, 30 cameras and forty microphones. one other televised, real-life cleaning soap opera, condominium Arrest. we all know the principles: overall strangers are pressured to dwell jointly whereas the remainder of the state watches them do it. in basic terms this time they're asking: who's the assassin?

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GUYS IN PORNOS WHO DON'T WEAR CONDOMS You look pretty happy for someone who's dying soon. I don't think I need to tell you this, but you've made a terrible decision. ” So consider the source. And now after all your hard work, you probably won't even live to see Clit Parade 6 hit the silver screen. ” It's nice to meet you. If only the irony of this clothing choice wasn't lost on you. The mere fact that you wear this shirt tells us that you are an invader of nothing, least of all pussy. Not that you should wear a “Virgin Questioning His Sexuality” shirt, but a nice blank tee from the Gap never hurt anyone.

You just can't bear to part with how adorable you look in that little beanie. You will swelter through this entire day just to ensure that your pouty lips are accentuated. Wow, that's some vain-ass shit. GUYS WHO OVER-HUG When I get married, feel free to throw your arms around me. When I have a child, by all means, wrap me into your chest. These are milestones that warrant such a gesture of affection. When I come over for poker, however, don't. Don't you dare. In fact, here's a list to refer to when you're unsure: GUYS WHO WON'T ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR LACTOSE INTOLERANCE When you lay an egg that clears out a room right after you eat a yogurt, you're lactose intolerant and you need to take a pill to correct it.

Not only will you have a better time, you'll greatly reduce your chances of waking up in the arms of another dude. ” You can't hide what you're feeling. You are mechanical. Your limbs have steel joints. Your secret talent has finally been unleashed, right here at this wedding. Unfortunately, from where we're standing, you look less like a robot and more like an extremely uncoordinated human being. Possibly with some sort of muscular-system disorder. GUYS WHO TRY TO GET US TO BET ON EVERYTHING Can you make that shot from your cubicle into the wastebasket?

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